I would, for instance, put my time into playing mahjong. With mahjong, one is entertained, fires up a couple of million brain synapses in a game of guessing which of the 144 tiles will be drawn next, and potentially even get paid for it in the end!

It started yesterday when a dear old friend called to organize one such ‘productive’ session. I hadn’t done it for a while and obliged. It was a good group of four and I was looking forward to an evening of good laughs and strategic tinkering of the bakelite tiles.

Two rounds into the game, I realize this was going to be one of those special nights which I enjoyed the most. It doesn’t matter what random set of 13 tiles I would start with, as the game progresses, I would draw perfectly complementary tiles before laying the final winning call to the rest. This is what mahjong players would call “wind”. At the end of my “wind”, I was called many names, and had raked in over $400 worth of winnings. A rare occurrence given the low bet value of our game.

I knew something was up.

The following day, I bought my colleagues lunch – it is my custom to ‘share’ winnings with friends in this manner. We decided to go to Samy’s, an Indian bryani restaurant just minutes from the office. After a hearty serving of yellow-spiced rice, papadum, mutton curry and an after-meal Dunhill frost-stick, I settled down with a cup of teh-tarik and listened to the conversation.

As usual, it revolved around Samson’s bunked weight-loss attempts, HK’s upcoming wedding and Jogger Tan’s still-born blog. It was pretty much what we talked about every lunch, and I had to steer it away. So, I blurted out how Bowser (my 6-month-old golden retriever) started dashing during his walks and I could perhaps start running along. I am sure I was just trying to change the topic – and asked Jogger about the Nike-ipod (you see, we’re a bunch of techies so gadget-chat always works). Handsome (but quiet) Jay leaped in and showed us RunKeeper, a free iPhone app that essentially does what the $100+ branded alternative does. That piqued my interest, as anything that’s free and runs on the iPhone always do.

What made this register was that Handsome Jay was due to go on leave the very next day. And I just happen to have a couple of extra $50-notes in my pocket. I said to myself “why not” and continued to Queensway Shopping Center after dropping them off. Now, this is the place to get all your sports supplies in Singapore, and it’s also minutes from the office. I parked, browsed and got everything I need under 20 minutes: a pair of New Balance running shoes, a quick-dry micro-fiber top and an iLuv iPhone arm band.

Now I’m ready to jog.

But, probably not tonight. It’s beer night with Jogger and HK. We do this once a month – down some beer, chill and talk. Tonight’s topic meandered into Intention and Ego, heavy stuff which I enjoyed. The part about the Ego revolved around how this inner nemesis fights for its ‘life’ by making its host fail in life. I thought about it and saw how my Ego tried to pull a fast one over my eyes. Who said that you cannot run after beer? Jogger then concurs that one can easily overcome the diuretic effects of beer by drinking a couple liters of water.

Now I’m ready to jog, again.

On the walk back home, I came across a woman in jogging attire, this was somewhat out of the ordinary given Holland Village’s night scene. It was a gentle reminder to cheer me on to my earlier conclusion.

When I got back, Bowser went into a frenzy of short sprints, something he hasn’t done before. Looking at him, I concluded this was yet another reminder.

At this point, I knew that my jogging is not going to start any other day, but tonight.

The mahjong session, the lunch, Handsome Jay’s just-in-time RunKeeper recommendation, the beer-chat about Ego, the out-of-place jogger and Bowser, has all been orchestrated into a seamless play-by-play to get me to start running.

So I did it. With Bowser. And it was an evening jog that is nothing short of a miracle.

I hosted a Japanese oden steamboat dinner tonight. There was music, food, great company and some smack-your-forehead conversations. I live alone now and do everything on my own now. It’s puzzling. I thought I would be very bored. But I found out tonight that there are profound benefits being on your own totally. For one, I learn a lot about myself in one night than possibly a year’s worth of therapy.

I was preparing the oden cutting up the daikon, cabbage and fishcakes and I observed that I did it with meticulous accuracy. It wasn’t done up in a rush and I took the time to do one thing at a time. I was also mindful about how I wanted it to look. It was a particularly soulful time for me – I just cut, pondered and created a beautiful dinner.

When the night ended, I had to, naturally, look at the kitchen sink full of dishes. I wouldn’t let my guests do any washing, it’s not befitting a host. I have a maid coming tomorrow but then I realized I don’t like to leave the kitchen uncouth through the night. A meal is done and the kitchen shouldn’t have to sleep with the debris for the night. I don’t used to like washing, it gives me a backache. But tonight was different. There’s a cool draft blowing though the apartment and I thought, what the heck. So, I played the same Japanese jazz and started washing.

It was different. I used to want to get over with the washing even before I start. But tonight was different. I simply washed. Not because I had to, but that I wanted to. And when I did that, the washing came to an end all too soon. The kitchen was totally clean, no pans uncleaned, trash taken out, table clothes rinsed, leftovers stored. There was no stone unturned. It was good to leave a cleaned kitchen.

As I pondered about the night, I thought about a couple of friends who have been wanting to leave their folks and live on their own. Somehow, they just couldn’t convinced their parents to let go.

I’m thinking, isn’t important for parents to allow that freedom for their children to discover their own life. Even if it’s learning about how they liked their kitchens cleaned, it’s really different when you live with someone else and had to adhere to their house rules. Even if it is the same rules, it’s different if you discover that it is what you like. You have to make your own rules. You owe it to yourself to discover your own true self.

I’m really shocked – I thought people only download music, movies and tv shows. Not books!

Friends who know me cannot figure out why I always buy original. A friend gasped at my collection when he visited for a X’mas party, “Shoop, I’m amazed at your collection, how much did you spent?” Come to think of it, was he amazed why I spent so much on a collection that would have easily cost anyone else a-tenth to nothing?

Amongst my circle of acquaintainces, piracy is already socially accepted. Tips on how to different the better copies are freely exchanged. When you visited, bring along an external hard-disk in case you see sometime you want.

Now, I understand where everyone is coming from – copies are a lot cheaper (or free), they’re digitally identical, eveyone’s doing it and times are bad so I have to save. Those are very valid reasons.

I think the problem is that we, as consumers, no longer create anything anymore. If there’s two bakers, would one take another’s recipe and starts selling the same cakes? No he won’t. Because he knows the value of creating the recipe as a baker himself. There is the matter of pride involved, too.

But as consumers, everything to us is valued at its price. It’s the only sensible way to live a good life, stretch the dollar, so to speak. The offer with the best price always wins.

So, the ball is out of bounds now. Creators cannot create for nothing. And consumers cannot become creators. The way I see it, less of us will want to be creators. Hence, more bad movies, crap tv shows and shallow books. It’s inevitable.

Photo by Martin Kingsley

Something happened in Singapore a couple of weeks back and it affected me greatly.

What I knew I read vaguely almost a week later from the evening papers and a discussion on a local forum:

A 15 year old boy was begging in a neighbourhood food centre when a patron called the police on him. Allegedly, he was asking for $2 to buy lunch for his ill mother. The police came and probably took him back to the police post and filed the incident. After that, they escorted him back to the void deck of his HDB (public housing in Singapore). From there, he went up another building and jumped. The boy died.

The story stuck with me for days, and nights. It wasn’t publicized much in the local papers and most of my friends hadn’t even heard about it.

I had been wondering why the story of the ‘begger boy’ (coined by the local paper) had affected me so much.

I came up with many responses to it: I talked to my friends about it, complained about the state of charity organizations in Singapore, and even thought about a startup for it.

In final analysis, I believe the story of the ‘boy’ is really trying to teach me something, something personal, something about how to give.

I am categorically a ‘jaded giver’. Over the years, my personal contribution to charitable causes have declined.

I’ve convinced myself, in the light of the recent mega scams in Singapore’s charitable front, that you’re not giving when you give via these multi-million dollar charity setups. Unfortunately, these organizations have monopolized the attention of the general public through star-studded fundraisers and professionally orchestrated PR.

So, when the biggest of them fell, there was a domino effect on the trust I had on the rest of them. Soon enough, the next in size fell too.

For some time, I gloated. Because I saw it coming and stopped giving when the first fell. Now, I know I shouldn’t gloat.

Rather, I should be thinking about whether my actions (or lack of) had indirectly caused the incident with the boy. You see, I could easily have been at the food centre and refused to give to the boy when he came by my table to ask for that fated $2. It would’ve been so automatic – that looking away and waving of an uncaring hand.

I’m wondering what it would have meant to the boy if there was someone there who willingly gave him $2.

You see, that’s the whole point about the story. Two dollars would’ve solved his problem for the day. A more generous four dollars might have ease a relief from him. A red ten could have make him see that there’s still hope in his lot.

Damn.

So, how should I give?

I tell you, I still wouldn’t trust big charities. Big money corrupts. And frankly, having the who’s-who on the board or stricter regulations doesn’t really convince me at all. It’s simple – big money corrupts. That said, there’s one thing that’ll change my mind – when big charities publish their detailed financials transparently for all to see.

In the meantime, I know I have to continue to give.

My idea is to give directly to the needy.

It’s my money and hence my benchmark. If I see someone whom I think needs a couple of bucks (or ten, or fifty), I’d give it to him/her there and then.

On top of this, I’m going to encourage others to do the same. The more people ‘give direct’, the more beneficiaries will be. It’s a new meme. A new attitude.

I’m thinking hard about how to propagating the meme beyond my network of friends now.

I’ll come up with something and post an update here when it’s ready.

In the meantime, if you agree with me, please go all out and give your monies to those you deem in need. You’ll never know if another ‘boy’ might walk up to you for $2.

Postscript

A reader commented and doubted the story. While I didn’t witness it with my eyes, I did catch the news first off the local Shinmin evening newspapers (I believe its 31 Jul 2008).

I also happen to know that he jumped from Blk 646, Ang Mo Kio Street 61 (but also that he doesn’t live there) and his funeral was held at Singapore Thong Teck Sian Tong Lian Sin Sia at 91 Geylang East Ave 2.

Think I’ll go to the latter to see if I can verify this further.

Every so often you’d find yourself dishearten with the state of the world around you.

If you’ve been reading this blog, I believe I’ve brought to your attention a few more dreads such as inflation and the growing weakness of our financial institutions.

My only intention in writing ‘dreadful’ posts is for them to serve as a ‘watch out!’ sign so you might take the necessary precautions. My intention is that you understand what’s going on and take relevant action. I do not want you to be dishearten and throw in the towel.

So, there will always be tough issues. You know them and you know how to go about dealing with them. Day in, day out, you go about your game plan. Then one fine morning while sipping coffee, you say to yourself, “life’s too tough.”

This is where simple pleasures come in.

Simple pleasures turn my attention from worldly problems. They turn my focus to the people in my life, to the food I am enjoying, the music, the chatter, to the humidity in the air and the earth I’m stepping on.

Leverage these simple pleasures and they can put in the right positive mood. That’s it isn’t it? It’s all about how you feel. The stock markets can crash today but a beer session with good friends can put you back to fighting spirits. Your boss can announce a retrenchment exercise but a good excursion with your kids can show you more important things in life.

I’m compelled to share with you the simple pleasures I’m enjoying right now:

• A 3-dish-1-soup home cooked meal
• Writing a good blog entry
• A grande mug of the daily brew at Starbucks
• A chatty mahjong game
• Taking pictures on my lomo-cam
• A walk along beach with my love
• Taking my kids and their cousins out for a movie
• Visualizing my dreams
• Reading a good book
• Go on a shopping spree with my vibrational wallet (more about this in a future post)
• Take a bus ride

Make your own list of simple pleasures today. Have some fun!

A big part of our social life revolves around meeting and chilling out with friends. Depending on your age group, you could be hanging out at a MacDonald’s, Starbucks, dance club, wine bar, pub, golf clubhouse, private clubs or even local joints where the cheapest beer is sold.

Until recently, I don’t really like to hang out much. I thought I was a quirky-alone, but it turn out I am just bored with the run-of-the-mill conversations that dominate these sessions.

A year ago, I attended a leadership course and got to know a new group of friends. We shared a deeply bonding experience and became very close in those 3 months. Thereafter, a small group of us continued to meet up. As it turns out, I really liked those meet-ups.

This article is about what makes those meet-ups fun for me.

1. Smaller Group Size

A small 3-5 group is the most engaging because you can hold a substantial conversation with everybody at the same time.

Once you chance upon a common topic that everyone wants to talk about (e.g. rising prices, elections, celebrity scams), the gathering will ignite and launch into an orbit of its own.

Sometimes, you cannot help but join a big group. And you cannot help but feel obligated to go around and attempt to say something to everyone.

I find this effort futile because you will end up playing host, hopping from group to group. In the end, you’d have said hi to everyone but not really know what is going on with their lives.

When in a big party, don’t be afraid to form smaller groups and build a great session from there.

2. Cheer Everyone Up

In any gathering, there’d be people who had a bad day at work. You know it because they look like it. But, it’s work and really not their faults.

When I see this, I’d go out of my way to interact with the person. My intention is to bring a smile to their faces so they can totally enjoy the meet-up.

Who knows, someday you’d be the one who had the bad day. And the good seeds you’ve sown would come to fruition when a friend walks up and make it his/her intention to cheer you up.

3. Listen and Appreciate

Most of us unknowingly dominate a conversation and remain stubbornly ignorant to the bored faces that it draws. I have been the biggest culprit in this.

Nowadays, I have to constantly remind myself to ‘listen’ and purposely wait for the pause from the other party before jumping to the conversation.

And when it’s my turn, I will stay on the same topic by adding my views on it. This is what I mean by ‘appreciate’ – which I take literally to mean to ‘grow’ the conversation.

4. Additives

I am a light drinker and an occasional smoker. I am also very selective that I only do that when I want to let my hair down and be more present.

Right now, half a pint and two sticks does it for me.

It’s a good thing it takes so little to lighten my mood and get my head spinning with ideas. Consider this, a ‘good’ drinker will need to fork out a lot more money to get the same effects!

5. Break Some Rules

When I did business in Japan, I learn that when you get to the inner circle, you’d be invited to a honsen (open air bath house) to take a bath in the nude (with a small towel for your head) with the CEO. The best rapport is often struck in these meetings in the buff.

While you don’t have to change the venue of your next meet-up in a bath house, you could risk a topic outside of the comfort zone of your group. Perhaps, something taboo?

Tardiness is no big deal if you’re the one who is late. But for the party waiting for you, it can be the straw that finally breaks the camel’s back.

No, this post is not going to convince you on the virtues of being punctual. Those of us who’ve waited enough know that you cannot really help it.

This post is about taking the power back for those who waited and how to one-up on you to make the wait a welcomed episode.

I am a punctual person. And for some reason, I’ve learnt to expect others to be punctual too. And when they’re not, I’d react in various degrees of response:

• Make a mountain out of it and proceed to spoil the rest of the day
• Contemplate revenge by being late on the next meeting
• Let the frustration limit whatever good feelings I might have
• Keep a straight face

I realize I’m getting punished twice: once for the waiting part and then once more for the above.

And all this for a situation that is really outside of my control. When I let an external situation get to me, I lose my own power.

I need to see tardiness in a new light so that when it happens, I will not be affected.

1. When someone is late, it does not mean you are less important. It’s only human to want to put oneself in the center of focus, for better or for worse. How many times do we end up needlessly hurt because we keep putting our egos on the line? Read my lips: it’s not always about you. Many times, it’s just that they have to finish that thing they’ve started before meeting you; you’re not less because you have to wait.
2. You cannot compare your time against their time, you can only make the best out of yours – I’ve heard this from a course: “being late is rude because it says my time is more important than your time.” This is wrong. You cannot compare times because your cannot give or receive it. If you truly value your time, think about how you’re spending it while you’re waiting. For me, I can listen to an educational podcast on my Shuffle, read a good book, or whip out my notepad and write a short journal. Be prepared to wait.
3. Revenge is futile and is likely to bite you back – what do you do to the person who’s late? We usually seek revenge in the form of getting them to pay for the next meal or giving them a stern warning. Does that really even things out? She’s late, you’re pissed, you piss her back, and now you’re both pissed. It’s a vicious cycle. Instead of punishment, try the opposite – thank the person for giving you some time-off to do this important thing that you did while waiting. So, she’s late, you create some value, you thank her, she’s relieved, you’re off to a nice evening.

How do you react to your tardy friends? Do you have any other tips to share?

There’s a general sense of lost sweeping the society today. Somewhere along the way, the light at the end of the tunnel seem to have vanished.

I’m not talking about myself but rather, a logical conclusion of what I’ve been observing in the news and people around me.

I’m sure you can see the world turning for the worse: financial turmoil with sub-prime, SIVs, CDS and rogue traders, rising food and energy prices, increasing mentions of “recession” in the media, volatile stock market going nowhere, bleak government outlooks and uninspiring rescue plans.

It’s like being in bad company, “why try so hard when nobody else does?” When nobody is doing well, it’s easy to rationalize the decision to ‘take a step back and re-evaluate my options’, a.k.a. quitting your day job.

This post talks about why the times mandate that you re-evaluate your evaluation and that keeping your day job is perhaps the best decision in years to come.

1. Recession

You better believe it, the recession is either already here or it will be the next change in your country.

Proof? The fact is that the ‘R’ word is being mentioned more in the media. Today’s officials are well trained in PR and know full-well the self-fulfilling nature of making forecasts. It is harder to rule in hard times, so you don’t make bleak forecasts until a point when not doing so threatens a more fundamental trait, that you know what you’re doing. My take: that ‘recession’ is now mentioned in mass media means it’s either here or there’s very high confidence it will come.

In a recession, jobs are cut and it’s very hard to find new work. At the same time, both corporate and consumer spending are reduced, so it’s harder for you to start a new business. This recession will be inflationary – so while your income is capped or reduced or wiped out, cost of living continues to go up.

2. The Sex & Cash Theory

Hugh MacLeod made a very good point about not mixing your passion with your income in his “How to be Creative” slide presentation. He calls it the Sex & Cash Theory:

The creative person basically has two kinds of jobs. One is the sexy, creative kind. Second is the kind that pays the bills. Sometimes the task in hand covers both bases, but not often. This tense duality will always play center stage. It will never be transcended.

I would like to expand on Hugh’s theory to say that happiness is sex and your day job is cash. It is very, very rare to meet someone who’s found happiness in his/her day job. The challenge is not to go on an endless quest to find one. The key is to know that it is ok to dislike your job and look for happiness elsewhere.

I should also point out that despite the huge success of gapingvoid.com, Hugh is still keeping his day job.

3. Opportunities in Crisis

In Chinese, the word for crisis (危機) is made up from the characters meaning ‘danger’ and ‘opportunity’.

There is a major crisis coming. And I don’t think most of us know where the opportunity is. Well, I know that billionaire Richard Rainwater has cashed out most of his wealth from the financial markets to invest in building crisis centers in different parts of the United States.

What opportunity lies ahead for the small-time middle-class peon like us?

I don’t know. But I’d keep my day job to keep those savings steady so that when a good opportunity come along, I can take it.

4. Something to Focus On

We’re bombarded by bad news everyday – the news, the papers, the conspiracy theorists, speeches by heads of states, and this article. You can get into trouble if you read bad news everyday.

It is easier to find meaning in your job than in your life: getting promoted to manager is easier than achieving nirvana.

Now, don’t short-change yourself if you know that you’re destined to attain buddha-hood this life time. For the majority of us, small reachable goals could be the key to happiness.

5. There’s Bliss in being Employed

You can pay your bills. Take you family out for a fancy dinner. Go for the occasional vacation. Form a bowling team with your colleagues. Have company for lunch. Gossip at the watercooler. Play some office politics. Have company for an after-work drink. People to complain to.

And so on and so forth.

The first few moments right after waking up often sets the tone of the rest of the day. I absolutely love the days when I’d wake up with a smile on my face. These always play out superbly as one good thing leads effortlessly into another.

The ones I abhor are when I get microscopically ticked off and have to end the day with an avalanche of problems, mistakes, fights and regrets.

Experience and logical deduction tells me that I can ‘create’ the perfect day simply by ensuring that the first 30 minutes are spent in cheerful delight. Here’s how you can go about it.

1. Count 3 blessings before you go to sleep – relax and make yourself comfortable in bed, close your eyes and recall 3 good things that happened to you that day. Revel in your positive emotions and enjoy the rerun.
2. Recall your blesssings and emotions once you wake up. As you do that, turn your blurry vision to things in your bedroom that you like. Stretch lazily and enjoy a couple more minutes in bed.
3. Set the bigger stage – on the way to washing up, steal a glimpse of your vision boards. This should remind you about your goals and passions.
4. Declare your day – in the shower, or any private moment you have with yourself, start talking to yourself out loud how you want the day to pan out. I would typically recite my passions and contextualize what I’ve planned for the day in reference to my visions. Use only positive reinforcements (e.g. I want the meeting to move the sales engagement one big step forward) and avoid negative concepts, even if you specify that you don’t want them (e.g. I believe the client’s objections will be cleared today).

Try and do the above before you interact with anybody, turn on the news or read the papers. If you have a partner, you should definitely hug and give him/her a kiss when you wake up. The idea of avoiding any interactions is so that you can take the steps above to ‘tune’ yourself to the positive realm before subjecting to any potentially undesirable happenings.

Once you align your frame of mind to a positive state that is supported by your goals and visions, it will be easy for you to make a decision whether to turn your attention to the insignificant distraction or the larger plan at hand.

To ensure long term success in this, be discipline about following the steps for at least 20 days. This is so that you can habituate to it and start to enjoy an endless supply of happy days.

Over dinner, I asked friends what is it that they want most right now. Hong Kiat wanted to own his own business and Joseph “an unlimited supply of money.”

Most of us have a good idea of one or two things we want most in our lives. However, other than the occasional query by friends like me, most people don’t really think about it much.

If you know what you want and you want to do something about it, you can create a ‘vision board’.

What is a vision board?

It is simply a poster board which you paste a collage of pictures and images that resonates with the thing that you want.

The image above is my vision board for “financial independence.” Towards this goal, I have come up with 6 markers that will determine when I am financially independent:

1. A networth of over $10 million
2. Multiple streams of income
3. Living in a home that’s fully paid
4. I can choose to do whatever I am passionate about (read: no more day jobs)
5. I travel to 4 new places every year
6. I am debt-free

For each of these markers, I would look for pictures that best symbolizes the goal. The idea is to pick images that remind you of the markers of your goal. For example, the image of a running river shouts out “multiple streams” at me.

If you make a physical vision board, put it up in a place that you can see everyday. If you feel like it, you can use the 68-second alignment exercise and focus on the board.

For me, I work at different venues on my MacBook so the best place for me to put my vision board is on my desktop as a wallpaper.

My limitless source of images comes from Flickr.com. Since I’m sharing my vision board, I’ve selected images that are under the Creative Commons “Attribution License”. This means I would have to credit the rightful owners when I use them.

Once I’ve selected the images, I’d head off to www.scrapblog.com to create the board. ScrapBlog is an online scrapbook-making website with a very intuitive user-interface and free of charge. Scrapblog also features a beautiful collection of themes and images (like the pens, clips and photograph frames) that rivals Apple’s iWorks themes. If I’m going to look at something everyday, I want to make sure it’s beautifully done.

When you’ve tweaked your vision board to your content, screen-capture it and add it to computer’s desktop.

Why does a Vision Board work?

I’ve started using my vision board for over a week now.

During this time, I’ve come to recognize an increasing number of ideas, events and people who in some way contribute to my moving forward on this goal.

Every time this happens, I’d be wondering how coincident that this should come to me and marvel at its unraveling. My energy level goes up and people will notice it and respond more positively.

If nothing else, I am enjoying my daily interactions a whole lot more than before.

But that’s not all. The fact is that my habituated reactions has brought about more focus and a higher level of engagement – simply put, more of the good things are happening to me and I am feeling fully confident that I will achieve my goals.

It’s really amazing what a simple collage of pictures can do for you.