How To Give
Photo by Martin Kingsley
Something happened in Singapore a couple of weeks back and it affected me greatly.
What I knew I read vaguely almost a week later from the evening papers and a discussion on a local forum:
A 15 year old boy was begging in a neighbourhood food centre when a patron called the police on him. Allegedly, he was asking for $2 to buy lunch for his ill mother. The police came and probably took him back to the police post and filed the incident. After that, they escorted him back to the void deck of his HDB (public housing in Singapore). From there, he went up another building and jumped. The boy died.
The story stuck with me for days, and nights. It wasn’t publicized much in the local papers and most of my friends hadn’t even heard about it.
I had been wondering why the story of the ‘begger boy’ (coined by the local paper) had affected me so much.
I came up with many responses to it: I talked to my friends about it, complained about the state of charity organizations in Singapore, and even thought about a startup for it.
In final analysis, I believe the story of the ‘boy’ is really trying to teach me something, something personal, something about how to give.
I am categorically a ‘jaded giver’. Over the years, my personal contribution to charitable causes have declined.
I’ve convinced myself, in the light of the recent mega scams in Singapore’s charitable front, that you’re not giving when you give via these multi-million dollar charity setups. Unfortunately, these organizations have monopolized the attention of the general public through star-studded fundraisers and professionally orchestrated PR.
So, when the biggest of them fell, there was a domino effect on the trust I had on the rest of them. Soon enough, the next in size fell too.
For some time, I gloated. Because I saw it coming and stopped giving when the first fell. Now, I know I shouldn’t gloat.
Rather, I should be thinking about whether my actions (or lack of) had indirectly caused the incident with the boy. You see, I could easily have been at the food centre and refused to give to the boy when he came by my table to ask for that fated $2. It would’ve been so automatic – that looking away and waving of an uncaring hand.
I’m wondering what it would have meant to the boy if there was someone there who willingly gave him $2.
You see, that’s the whole point about the story. Two dollars would’ve solved his problem for the day. A more generous four dollars might have ease a relief from him. A red ten could have make him see that there’s still hope in his lot.
Damn.
So, how should I give?
I tell you, I still wouldn’t trust big charities. Big money corrupts. And frankly, having the who’s-who on the board or stricter regulations doesn’t really convince me at all. It’s simple – big money corrupts. That said, there’s one thing that’ll change my mind – when big charities publish their detailed financials transparently for all to see.
In the meantime, I know I have to continue to give.
My idea is to give directly to the needy.
It’s my money and hence my benchmark. If I see someone whom I think needs a couple of bucks (or ten, or fifty), I’d give it to him/her there and then.
On top of this, I’m going to encourage others to do the same. The more people ‘give direct’, the more beneficiaries will be. It’s a new meme. A new attitude.
I’m thinking hard about how to propagating the meme beyond my network of friends now.
I’ll come up with something and post an update here when it’s ready.
In the meantime, if you agree with me, please go all out and give your monies to those you deem in need. You’ll never know if another ‘boy’ might walk up to you for $2.
Postscript
A reader commented and doubted the story. While I didn’t witness it with my eyes, I did catch the news first off the local Shinmin evening newspapers (I believe its 31 Jul 2008).
I also happen to know that he jumped from Blk 646, Ang Mo Kio Street 61 (but also that he doesn’t live there) and his funeral was held at Singapore Thong Teck Sian Tong Lian Sin Sia at 91 Geylang East Ave 2.
Think I’ll go to the latter to see if I can verify this further.
9 Comments
I didn’t heard about the news either. That’s what we gave to the society and the society do it back to us.
Waiting for your “something”
This is really sad. The policeman, indirectly is the killer.
Hmmmm firstly I haven’t heard the news and I really doubt the story. I think it is more likely an urban myth. I am sure if one investigates further, one will find the boy still alive and kicking.
Afterall it makes no sense why at the age of 15, he will be begging for 2 dollars. Secondly why he will jump off an building when he knows he has a sick mother. And if he really needs help I am sure he could have seek and received help from his RC and MP.
The whole story seems more like a smear campaign and a story to stir emotions up.
Hi Lee,
I think you have a point: I should go do some investigative work.
I’ve posted an update above and have also gotten the address of the boy. Will pay the family a visit to convey my condolences later this evening.
Agree with LEE,
theres no reason for the boy to end his life knowing that he has to take care of his sick mother.. unless he was severely traumatized by his arrest by the police..
do post an update after you’ve verified the matter..it is truly disturbing if it turns out to be true..
Hi Mark, Lee,
I have made my way to the boy’s flat twice now and the unit is still empty. From the neighbors, I hear that the mother has not been back since the boy’s funeral (I presume she’s moved in with relatives).
While I cannot ascertain why the boy took his own life, the entire incident has made me more sensitive towards the needy now.
Hi Shoop,
I agree with Lee. And I believe if the incident is true, the police would have referred the boy to social assistance organisation in order to get financial assistance etc.
Meanwhile, what is your view on handicapped elderly selling tissue papers at hawker centres? Those licensed musicians along the subways in Singapore?….
I foresee Singapore is facing serious social problems… it is a rich country, no doubt, but I wonder how “rich” are the individuals on morals, values and principles… a close friend of mine passed some commments about my view on morals… oh well, that said, to each it’s own. But that will not deter me from my beliefs, values and principles.
Keep these post coming, I am enjoying the read after a long time of my inactivity.. :)
this is really sad. it is not unusual to feel skeptical if someone walks up to you and asks for money. if the people whom the boy had approached for money saw it coming, i’m sure they wouldn’t have rejected him. i guess we just have to trust our gut feel and give without expecting any returns.
Hi Lily,
This entire episode has lighted up a whole new tunnel that I’ve never noticed before for me.
What I’m talking about is this: the boy’s incident changed my attitude towards people asking for help on the streets, i.e. I’d want to give, just in case. The thing that I ‘struggled’ with is the extent to which to give.
I was at an alumni fundraiser many years back and the thing that was going around was the comparison of two $5,000 donations – one came from a banker, the other a simple retired woman. It goes without saying that all hearts went to the latter, not to mention a lot of flak to the banker.
It’s not easy to give a big chunk of your total wealth away like the old lady. It takes a lifetime to gain that kind of insight.
To me, it all boils down to my relationship with money and wealth. I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit these days and perhaps will write about it soon.
Thanks for your comment, it’s been very engaging.