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An IM exchange last night reminded me about what I did when I reverted to singlehood for a period about 3 weeks.

Dr Helen Fisher, in her book Why We Love, documents that breaking up is one of the most devastating experiences men and women can go through. Different individuals handles these hard times differently.

I just felt like sharing with you what I did during my own lonely moments. In hindsight, I thought I handled it pretty well, erm, at least good enough to share this with you today. I truly hope that you might find the silver lining in between these lines.

1. Start writing a journal

Instead of letting your thoughts run wild, start writing a journal and let your emotions flow out in ink.

Between thinking and writing, I find the latter naturally biased towards the positive. You might write a whole load of negative feelings at first but when you let your pen dance its own, a different perspective will emerge. If it look like it isn’t, be patient, continue writing and it will.

In time, you’ll find your writing changing your focus to the good things in life. You’ll rationalize an excuse for yourself to feel good. Before you notice it, you’ll start feeling better.

2. Read a good book

What worked for me was Paulo Coelho’s collection of tremendously engaging novels. The author’s biggest strength is his simple but captivating storytelling ability that grabs 100% of your attention.

Paulo’s books discusses fundamental themes that can bring about a much-needed revelation to the break-up, for example in The Zahir, the author poses “why is it that we always end up destroying what we treasure the most.”

I highly recommend The Alchemist, The Pilgrimage, The Zahir, Eleven Minutes and Veronika Decides To Die.

3. Watch a romantic comedy

This might sound counterintuitive so bear with me for a while here. During my own episode, I watched Kate & Leopold, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, Love Actually, The Replacements and Along Came Polly.

Watch the movie alone. Get popcorn, beer, or whatever works to get you into the movie. Make sure no one can interrupt you during the entire length of the movie.

As you watch the movie, observe your emotions. When a scene makes you feel good, shout out “I want that!” Don’t go into the vicious cycle of reflecting on your own relationship, simply enjoy the scene, the stars and the story.

Conversely, when a scene makes you sad, shout out “this is just part of the script, it’s logical that the plot comes to this” and get off that negative emotion right away.

This is something I learn from Abraham, Esther and Jerry Hicks, who are forefront proponents of the Law of Attraction. This is an exercise that puts you into the right state of being (or ‘vibration’) so that better things might come to you.

4. Entertain Good Memories

After a breakup, you end up with a lot of time alone. Uninitiated, we will allow all types of memories to surface. Being human, we instinctively end up circling the “what went wrong” and “how can he/she do that to me”.

For every negative memory that comes to mind, quickly close it by stating something like “OK, I acknowledge that this is bad but what’s done is done and there is really no point in digging up more dirt here.”

Once you’ve closed that negative thought, move yourself to a positive plane by recalling the good times that you’ve had before, with a special focus on the kind of person that you are. Here’s an example from yours truly:

“I really enjoyed the Tokyo trip with her. During those 6 days, I was completely relaxed and so loving towards her. I wasn’t selfish at all and made the entire trip all about her. I can see that she really liked being with me and why not, I am so lovable.”

The worst thing a breakup can do to you is turning you into a disgruntled, unhappy, emotional wreck. You have to see that this is the work of allowing yourself to mull around bad memories.

Determined, you can eliminate bad memories and soak yourself up in the good ones. In days, observe a cheerful and positive you emerge.