shooperman.com

Photo by Michael

A conversation drought is the inevitable phase of a relationship when the couple basically runs out of interesting topics to say to each other.

It is one of the toughest tests that you can put a relationship on. From a quick survey I made with friends today, most simply don’t survive the challenge.

I am very interested in conversation droughts because I put a premium on having very deep and engaging sharing in a relationship. My 7-year-old relationship has been threatened on multiple occasions and all I can say is that we’ve been lucky to have weathered them.

Today, I am going to embark on a quest to know the formidable nemesis and develop strategies to overcome it.

1. Be Present

It is easy to become numb to the daily grind of I-love-you’s and how-was-your-day’s. In good time, you’ll find yourself saying them for sake of the auditory waves they generate.

You know it’s putting the cart before the horse when saying something when you feel it becomes saying something for you to feel it.

A good friend Mike shared with me how he consciously block out a chunk of time when he initiates a chat with his spouse. When he asks ‘how was your day’, he be there to listen to anything, however long it might take.

Being present is about making the time for your significant-other.

2. Prioritize One-on-One

Even if you are under the same roof, the little insignificant chores can eat away all the alone-time that you have with each other.

Make it a point to spend quality time with each other without distractions.

Sometimes, the situation can be awkward because nothing comes out of it. Know that the awkwardness is a far better deal than forgoing the relationship. Embrace the silence and enjoy each other’s presence. Don’t force it. Be patient.

3. Dwell on the Good, Look for the Silver Lining

It is all so easy to start complaining and forget that your partner is also there to bask in your light.

Be selective about what you share, focus on the positive and let it come up. When one of you gets sucked into to vortex of bad feelings, look hard to find that sliver of light from it and bring it into focus.

4. Spice It Up

If music gets you into the mood, play your favorite song. If alcohol takes down your shields, open a bottle of wine. If smoke rings enlivens you, get an ashtray.

Hey, being in touch with your partner is more important than this. Relax, kick back!