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A big part of our social life revolves around meeting and chilling out with friends. Depending on your age group, you could be hanging out at a MacDonald’s, Starbucks, dance club, wine bar, pub, golf clubhouse, private clubs or even local joints where the cheapest beer is sold.

Until recently, I don’t really like to hang out much. I thought I was a quirky-alone, but it turn out I am just bored with the run-of-the-mill conversations that dominate these sessions.

A year ago, I attended a leadership course and got to know a new group of friends. We shared a deeply bonding experience and became very close in those 3 months. Thereafter, a small group of us continued to meet up. As it turns out, I really liked those meet-ups.

This article is about what makes those meet-ups fun for me.

1. Smaller Group Size

A small 3-5 group is the most engaging because you can hold a substantial conversation with everybody at the same time.

Once you chance upon a common topic that everyone wants to talk about (e.g. rising prices, elections, celebrity scams), the gathering will ignite and launch into an orbit of its own.

Sometimes, you cannot help but join a big group. And you cannot help but feel obligated to go around and attempt to say something to everyone.

I find this effort futile because you will end up playing host, hopping from group to group. In the end, you’d have said hi to everyone but not really know what is going on with their lives.

When in a big party, don’t be afraid to form smaller groups and build a great session from there.

2. Cheer Everyone Up

In any gathering, there’d be people who had a bad day at work. You know it because they look like it. But, it’s work and really not their faults.

When I see this, I’d go out of my way to interact with the person. My intention is to bring a smile to their faces so they can totally enjoy the meet-up.

Who knows, someday you’d be the one who had the bad day. And the good seeds you’ve sown would come to fruition when a friend walks up and make it his/her intention to cheer you up.

3. Listen and Appreciate

Most of us unknowingly dominate a conversation and remain stubbornly ignorant to the bored faces that it draws. I have been the biggest culprit in this.

Nowadays, I have to constantly remind myself to ‘listen’ and purposely wait for the pause from the other party before jumping to the conversation.

And when it’s my turn, I will stay on the same topic by adding my views on it. This is what I mean by ‘appreciate’ - which I take literally to mean to ‘grow’ the conversation.

4. Additives

I am a light drinker and an occasional smoker. I am also very selective that I only do that when I want to let my hair down and be more present.

Right now, half a pint and two sticks does it for me.

It’s a good thing it takes so little to lighten my mood and get my head spinning with ideas. Consider this, a ‘good’ drinker will need to fork out a lot more money to get the same effects!

5. Break Some Rules

When I did business in Japan, I learn that when you get to the inner circle, you’d be invited to a honsen (open air bath house) to take a bath in the nude (with a small towel for your head) with the CEO. The best rapport is often struck in these meetings in the buff.

While you don’t have to change the venue of your next meet-up in a bath house, you could risk a topic outside of the comfort zone of your group. Perhaps, something taboo?